Compassionate Communication

Allison’s Story

At then end of a 2 hour workshop at New College, Allison approached me and said her friend had prompted her to speak to me. I felt apprehensive and was bracing myself for a “yes but” question looking for clarity. Allison told me that this was her second workshop. She had heard the comment in this workshop from someone that stated, “Can we really use this stuff after 2 hours?”… and wanted me to hear her experience. A few months ago, she was robbed while at home with her boyfriend. As the thief held a gun to her head, she found herself thinking “wow, I wonder what kind of a childhood this guy must have had to end up here..” She looked him in the eye and felt only compassion. She was surprised afterward that her thoughts took her to such a place, but credited her remembrance of empathy as the tool that saved her life. Her boyfriend was shot in the foot as the robbers fled, so she knew they were not afraid to use their weapon. She wanted me to know how appreciative she was for having been given that insight into caring about another as a human being. She wanted me to know that one two hour workshop could make all the difference in the world. It did to her.

Last Updated on Monday, 14 June 2010 16:42

If you have ever gotten angry and said or did something you regretted and felt powerless over your feelings, you may be surprised to learn this may not be the cause of your discontent. So what is the problem?

According to the teachings of Nonviolent Communication, the anger is our reaction to what we are telling ourselves (our STORY). So, if we don't want to keep reciting "the story", what do we do? Using the tools of Nonviolent Communication means responding with a simple 4 step procedure. Rather than blaming or shaming, we want to say what is important to us in the service of connecting rather than convincing. The question to ourself is: do I want to build a case or do I want to build connection and then find a solution?

I became an instructor and conflict mediator using Nonviolent Communication skills because it helped me so much in my own life and in my relationships. I am also enjoying the Committee Talk in my own head much more these days as I recognize"my story" for what it is and use it as a warning to get below the chatter and see what it is that is really important to me and express it without judgment or blame.
Want to learn more about Nonviolent Communication?

Come to the Video/Practice Series on the first Sunday of every month from 1 to 3 pm in Room 7.
Learn from the founder, Marshall Rosenberg, in Making Life More Wonderful hourly video followed by one hour of practice with Certified Trainer Rev. Carol Chase. Love Offering. No prerequisites.

For more information, call Rev. Carol at 546-4543, ext. 399.

About Carol Chase

Carol is Sonoma County's Only Internationally Certified Trainer with the Center for Nonviolent Communication (CNVC) as well as Director of Youth & Family Ministries at the Center for Spiritual Living, Santa Rosa. Carol not only offers NVC instruction to the public, but has helped create and offer classes in both Sonoma County Jail and San Quentin Prison. Carol moved from Redding to Santa Rosa in 1999 to provide care for her elderly parents. It was the transformation of her relationship with her mother that inspired her to want to share these tools with others as a way to heal pain and create a quality of connection she had only dreamed about.

Carol offers classes, counseling, coaching and conflict mediation to the general public. She has offered the tools of Compassionate Communication (aka NVC) to many local schools, universities, hospitals, churchs, boards, families, individuals and private organizations.

By fostering the growth of communication based on NVC, first in ourselves, then with each other and eventually the world, Carol's vision is world peace. Her interest is to put NVC principles into daily practice by offering training through workshops, practice and/or study groups, individual counseling and mediation.